


Adventures in Pharaohsitting

by lucidscreamer



Series: Gainful Employment Series [5]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Office Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 10:25:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12909963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucidscreamer/pseuds/lucidscreamer
Summary: With the blithe serenity of one whose reality filter was clearly set on "high," Yami smiled. "Sure, Kaiba. Now, be a pal and find me something interesting to do, will you? I'm bored."





	Adventures in Pharaohsitting

Time flies when you're having fun. From Seto Kaiba's point of view, the morning had already taken three years to pass and the day wasn't even half over. He slouched further down behind his desk and glared at the man on the other side of it.

Hands on hips, Yami glared right back at him. "I am not doing a promotional campaign for Kaiba Corp."

"Why not?" Seto asked wearily, beyond exasperation at this point. (If the day felt as if it were dragging into decade length, this argument would have to be measured in centuries.) "Standing in front of a camera and looking pretty too much work for you?" He sneered.

"Hardly. And that's the crux of the problem! I..." Trailing off, Yami blinked at him. "Did you just call me 'pretty'?"

Blinking back, Seto bolted upright in his chair and frantically rewound the last few seconds of conversation on his mental Tivo, hoping like hell that the playback wouldn't show what he feared it would.

It did.

 _Crap_.

"Uh," he said intelligently, and cast about for plausible deniability. In the end, all he managed was a weak, "...No?"

"You did!" Yami sounded delighted and far too amused for Seto's peace of mind. (Seto wished for a flamethrower.) Unaware that his employer was mentally flambéing him even as they spoke, Yami continued, "You had better be glad that Yugi didn't hear you say that. He may not look it, but my aibou can be quite the jealous lover."

"TMI!" Seto did not clap his hands over his ears, but it was a near thing. He settled for upgrading his imaginary flamethrower to an imaginary nuclear missile. Yami ignored his distress.

"Just last week, Yugi became convinced that Joey was ogling my ass. He subjected the poor boy to half an hour of the Wounded Puppy Eyes of Doom and martyred sighs, plus a five minute lecture of the triumph of loyalty and friendship over base physical desire."

Seto had always suspected that beneath that mild exterior Mutou was a manipulative little bastard. He said as much. Yami beamed at this declaration.

"Isn't it great?" His deep voice resonated with pride. "I always feared he was too nice for his own good, but he's coming along splendidly."

Seto didn't quite know what to do with that. It was either bang his head on his desk until he lost consciousness or ignore it, so he went with option two. He didn't trust what the insane Pharaoh might do if left to his own devices in Seto's office with an out-of-commission CEO.

Then his beleaguered brain threw a cog and, to his own horror, Seto heard himself asking the question before he could rally the strength to stop it. "So, _was_ he?"

Yami raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"Wheeler. Ogling." _Oh, god_. Had that really come out of his mouth? He shot a suspicious glance at the empty coffee cup on the desk in front of him. Maybe he'd been drugged...

"Oh. No." Yami smirked. "We were having an eating contest and I'd just beaten his record by fifteen hot dogs. He was, as I recall, 'tryin' to see where ya put it all'. 'You' being me, of course." Yami made a disdainful sound. "As if anything _I_ eat would go to my _ass_. I am, as you so thoughtfully pointed out, 'pretty'."

Forget the nukes. Seto was now hoping for the sun to go supernova and take out the whole damned planet. Starting with Yami.

"I hate you," he said. "So. _Much_."

With the blithe serenity of one whose reality filter was clearly set on "high," Yami smiled. "Sure, Kaiba. Now, be a pal and find me something interesting to do, will you? I'm bored."

That cheerful pronouncement of doom ringing in Seto's ears, Yami sauntered from the office.

After a few minutes, Seto managed to unclench his fingers from the arms of his chair, where they had left deep indentions in the leather. His unfocused gaze drifted around his office and finally settled on the stuffed penguin sitting beside his telephone. Without conscious thought, he found himself clutching the little bird and thinking longingly of snow and ice and a total lack of Yami's presence anywhere within a thousand miles of his own person.

With new resolve, Seto picked up the phone and dialed his acquisitions team. Time to get the ball rolling on Kaiba Corp Antarctica. And if he couldn't force Yami to work there, at this point, Seto was perfectly willing to transfer _himself_...

　

　

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the title. I was in a hurry and on the spot... Anyway, here's the other Gainful Employment fic that should have been posted years ago. D:
> 
> Since I had some people ask about this when it was posted on FF.net:
> 
> Despite the apparent (bad) flirting, this is not a Yami/Seto fic nor is it the lead-up to one. (If there's any attraction there, it's purely one-sided. Yami would never cheat on Yugi in any fic that /I/ write because partner betrayal is a major squick for me. And the pairing for this series is firmly Puzzleshipping.)


End file.
